Good morning!
Today I started a new position at work that I am over the moon excited about. It takes many of my life’s eclectic avenues and puts them into one job with many moving parts. Mixed in with my excitement and my brain going 100 miles an hour with new ideas, (no exaggeration here, to the point it is hard to think about other things, like…..I should take a shower), I am also very intimidated.
Let me explain. You have to understand my job for years and years and years…..has been nursing. Now this is a very rigid, rule following, not a lot of room for creativity, type of job. There are policy and procedures to follow for pretty much everything you do. High fences with tight perimeters so to speak. My creativity was sequestered to home only, and no one saw the paintings that didn’t turn out or the fabric coming out of the dye pot looking like mud. So, now what I create will be front and center for all to see.
Let me back track a bit:
Remember how I decided, for my health and sanity, to walk away from nursing and let the universe take me in a whole new direction? Well, the universe said, “Hold my beer and watch God do His handywork.” Does the universe drink beer? Probably not, but you get the idea. There is something about handing over your control. Like playing a game of chess and you are both the players kind of control. Yep, that is me. So, telling God to take the reins, is well a big deal but I know He is quite good at His job.
So, I interviewed, got the amazing news, and yesterday started my first day on my new path. Of course, there is the onboarding process, meetings, meeting many new people, of whom I don’t remember their names, but that I will eventually learn, and the flurry of where things are kept. …….and then the – now you take the reins and create the program. OH MY!
Have you heard of imposter syndrome? When you feel like you are winging it and hoping it all falls into place? Those nasty thoughts creep into your mind like, “Am I what they are expecting?”, “Will I meet their expectations?” The fear of messing up and having people mad at you. Our mind can be our greatest asset and at other times that mean bully on the playground taunting you.
Have you ever stood at the edge of a drop off and felt that dizzy fear of nothing to grab if you were to stumble? However, when there is a railing there, you feel solid and can even peek over the edge and not worry that you will become one with the ground below. So, right now, the railing has been taken away, I know that is a little dramatic. But, when you have been bound by rules and regulations for near 30 years, and now you get to soar and be free with your ideas and direction, well there is excitement and fear all wrapped up into one package with a beautiful pink bow.
So, this morning over coffee, after journaling about this, I gave myself a peptalk. (We need those even at my age.) I said “Sweety, you have the tools, experiences and a lifetime of creative juices flowing through your veins. What you don’t know you can research and ask questions, that is allowed. You will bloom, grow, and be the best version of you that you can be.”
Will I mess up? Sure. Will anyone die? NO! Whew.
So, here is to a new and creative adventure that I am bubbling with excitement inside to begin. Can someone hold my beer please. 🙂