So Here Is The Thing

Well, hello there! How is your summer going?

At this end it seems to be flying by and I sometimes feel like I am running in place while trying to catch up. Summer brings fun things like hiking, bike rides, and such.

Then, on the other hand, there is navigating a new job and trying to keep up with dyeing fabric with the flowers blooming in the garden, knowing their blooms will only last so long. Oh, and I don’t know about you, but the gardens need to be harvested and weeded on a regular basis and the lawn mowed. You know the list; you have it to do as well.

I don’t know about you, but I find the fun things being put on the back burner so the more pressing items on my list get attention, but shoot, then it will be winter again.

I at least try to start my day with a meditation and a steaming cup of coffee. I think when I fall asleep at night, I dream about waking up to this routine.

So, I don’t have any great advice on how to fit it all into 24 hours, but I need to tell myself, and you since you are reading along, “We are doing the best we can and that is okay!”

Not me, but you get the idea. 🙂

Segway:

Oh my, I hear the ice cream truck coming! Its little tune playing as it drives slowly down the street, waiting for excited kids to come running with a couple of dollars in hand. I don’t know why, but when I hear it coming it makes my heart happy. Maybe because it reminds me of simpler times.

Back on track:

Many of you don’t know this, but my oldest son is getting ordained as a Priest in August and there is a couple of trips being planned around that.

For the last year and a half, he and I have also been planning a trip to France and Italy this September.

He has been living in Italy for almost six years now, for his studies, so he will be a great tour guide and is fluent in Italian. I know a splattering of French, so we will make do there. My kids bought my ticket (thank you, you guys are the best!) and I will get to see what I have waited to see since Middle and High School French classes, and where my son has hung his hat for the last several years. This is a pilgrimage of sorts for my son and a sight-seeing trip for me.

So, the summer has been a busy one with several trips added to the mix.

What I must have looked like the last year or so.

With all the above said, here is the thing.

I mentioned in my About page, (for a blink of a second)…..that I am autistic. It was only a blink because I don’t want the focus of this blog to be about autism, even though I could talk to you about it for hours.

Neurodivergence runs in the family, so we get each other, but outside the family, that is where the rubber meets the road. You throw in a bunch of traumas along the way (I wrote a book that maybe someday I will be brave enough to publish) and navigating life takes on a whole new level.

Autism tends to impact my executive functioning and ability to process the world around me. When life tips the scale on me, my need to stem and melt downs increase.

My thinking also tends to be very black and white, which seems quite logical to me, however this thinking can cause me to spiral downward quickly. For example, “I need my job so I can afford to pay my bills and if I quit my job, I will become homeless and starve. If I stay at my job I will end up in the hospital. So maybe it would be best if I just died.” I am told there is a workable grey area in there but sometimes it is hard to see when you are in the middle of it.

Luckly, over time, after I left my job at the school and decided to walk away from nursing, my dysregulation started to slowly come back to a more manageable level. The autistic burnout was critical and to the point of becoming harmful. I really had no choice but to walk away from a very toxic situation.

I also walked away from making a livable wage. So here is a puzzle that I continue to try to put together.

With my new job I get to spend a fair amount of time outside in a large garden space with an occasional person or group walking through, looking for what is ready to harvest. Also, cool things happen, like I came across a nest of baby birds in the thick rose bushes I am thinning out. So, I took a quick picture and will work on the roses later.

They are so tiny!

The downfall to this garden, is it is on a very busy street of loud traffic, and I quickly reach sensory overload. Auditory overload is my nemesis, with tactile coming in as a hot second. This added to all the above summer navigation, is the perfect storm.

But I did a couple of proactive things for myself this week.

First, I bought some pretty rose-colored noise cancelling headphones and waited impatiently for them to show up in the mail. I wore them around the house for a bit to get used to them (tactile), and at first, I felt suffocated, but it got better. They are a God send helping to block out some of the noise in the work garden.

I used to have my own cattle ranch and relished the solitude it offered. Cows mooing in the pasture and chickens letting out an occasional cluck are a lot more doable than loud trucks, motorcycles, sirens and cars. To whom ever invented noise cancelling headphones, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Second, I chose to do a work from home day today to catch up on computer tasks. I live in silence at home, and I needed this today more than anything. During the day I started to feel better and even reached for the headphones to block out the constant beeping of a truck backing up somewhere close by.

Self-advocacy is so important. I am finally learning this very valuable tool.

Aren’t they a pretty color?

So, as another day comes to an end, I want to wish you blessings amongst your summer business.